


Forbidden Fruit

by mintables



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Multi, how do i even begin to explain this, i am so so so so so sorry, it was a cards against humanity inside joke and it went too far and here we are, jesus christ - Freeform, so uh please dont hate me i guess, why am i like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-09-13 13:49:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9126499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintables/pseuds/mintables
Summary: Yuuri has confessed his love for Barack-chan on live television. And now, they have to pay the price.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm.... so sorry
> 
> i don't even know how to begin to explain this
> 
> i'm just
> 
>  
> 
> w o w

"Barack-chan," Yuuri murmured, leaning closer. Barack's eyes widened. "I- I've always loved you." 

"Yuuri- I can't. It will never work between us. It's too hard." Barack sighed. 

"I confessed my love to the whole world for you, Barack-chan. We'll make it work. Nothing can stand in our way," Yuuri murmured, and sealed the distance between them. 

"HO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY HUSBAND" yelled Viktor, kicking down the door. Michelle was close on his heels. 

"Wait- fuck, Michelle, I can explain-" Barack scrambled for words, shoving Yuuri off of him. 

His wife turned away. "I've had it, Barack. You can fuck this random-ass ice skater if you want. I'm through being an Obama." 

Yuuri turned to meet Viktor's gaze. All he could see was betrayal. 

"Viktor- wait, I-" 

"Yuuri, if you want to fuck the President of the United States, then whatever, but aren't I rich enough for you? You don't need another sugar daddy when you have me?" 

Yuuri panicked. "I- I love him!" 

Obama turned to look at Viktor as well. "Do you want in? There's always room for one more~" 

"B-Barack-chan!" Yuuri gasped. He could feel his whole face turning bright red. 

Viktor grinned. "Well, how can I refuse?" 

Obama beckoned Viktor towards the bed- Yuuri's bed- where they were currently seated, Yuuri still uncomfortably hard and straddling Barack's waist. Viktor slowly stripped off his shirt, one button at a time, as he approached. Yuuri swallowed hard. Barack made an approving noise when Viktor finally stripped his shirt all the way off, and Yuuri was relieved to realize that he wasn't the only one that was hard. 

AND THEN THEY DID THE FRICKLE FRACKLE AND YUURI WAS WEARING HIS (hideous) TIE. THE END. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of Chapter One... but told from Viktor's POV ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so /someone/ just happened to post a comment that made me screaM bc like.... actually decent constructive criticism on the biggest shitpost of 2017? #b l e s s e d
> 
> so, ataraxy, this is for you, thank u for the inspiration for a second chapter

 

“Viktor Nikiforov! It’s been  _ ages!” _

Viktor turned around from his morning jog to meet the gaze of a familiar woman- his old friend Michelle Obama. He raised his hand in greeting, but a sudden thought crossed his mind. Before the two could catch up, he needed to discuss a far more pressing topic with her.

"Michelle, did you know that our husbands knew each other?" Viktor asked. The woman turned to him with a look of surprise. 

"They do?"

"Yes, they've been having frequent meetings, I thought you knew-"

Viktor paused. His blood ran cold.

"You don't think..."

The look in Michelle's eyes confirmed that Viktor and her were indeed fearing the same thing. With a determined nod, the two of them set off for Yu-topia.

He  _ knew _ before he opened the door to Yuuri's room; could hear his conversation with Barack no matter how muffled it may have been. Still, he clung to a shred of hope as he flung the door open.

"HO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY HUSBAND" he yelled. Barack and Yuuri sprang apart, Yuuri looking guilty and Barack mortified.

Michelle stiffened behind him and turned away as her husband scrambled for words, pushing  _ Viktor's _ husband off of him.

"I've had it, Barack. You can fuck this random-ass ice skater if you want. I'm through being an Obama."

She stormed away.

Viktor couldn't care less for  _ their _ drama as he looked into Yuuri's eyes. All he could feel was betrayal.

He tried desperately to find an answer, to find some reason Yuuri could have decided that being with him wasn’t enough. "Yuuri, if you want to fuck the President of the United States, then whatever, but aren't I rich enough for you? You don't need another sugar daddy when you have me?"

He watched the eyes of the man he thought was his husband widen in panic.  

"I- I love him!"

Well, fuck.

What was Viktor supposed to say to that? He wanted Yuuri to be happy more than anything, and if having an affair with the President of the United States did that for him, how could he get between them?

Suddenly, he registered that Barack was speaking again, and he tuned in just in time to realize that he'd said, "Do you want in? There's always room for one more~"

Viktor watched Yuuri's face turn red at the prospect and felt his heart swell again. So Yuuri did still love him, after all-  _ thank goodness. _

"Well, how can I refuse?"

Obama beckoned him forward, and Viktor went willingly, stripping his shirt off as slowly as possible and smirking at the expressions on the other men’s faces. He needed to remind his husband just  _ who _ he was married to, after all.

.... And if a little bit of it was to seduce the President? Well.

Who was anyone to judge that?

AND THEN THEY DID THE FRICKLE FRACKLE AND YUURI WAS WEARING HIS (hideous) TIE. THE END (AGAIN).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY BUT I AM A S H A M E D
> 
> FOLLOW @ PHICHITSBROWS ON TWITTER THO YEAAAH BOIIIIIIIIII
> 
> (i know i know im a fuckign sellout so sue me)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL THOUGHT I WAS DONE? LMAO YOU W I S H the hell never ends also we were playing cards against humanity again and "obama is a triple-breasted whore" happened so well hey it's short but Here

After the loving three had done the frickle frackle, tie and all, Viktor leaned his head against Barack's smooth, cleanly-waxed chest and sighed. 

"Barack-chan, I can't believe I couldn't see how beautiful you were before!" 

Yuuri nodded his agreement, a smile gracing his features. Both men looked ethereal to the former president. 

Yuuri's (hideous) tie, still around his neck, brushed gently against Barack's bare thigh. He shivered at the sensation. 

Viktor noticed Barack's reaction and quirked an eyebrow, smirking. "Up for a round two so soon?" 

Barack leaned in and let his lips do the talking for him. 

(And by that i mean he kissed him, because lips... lips actually do talk. Yeah. Okay.) 

Yuuri kissed a trail down Barack's chest while Viktor kissed him more deeply, and he shivered at the sensations. They were beautiful. They were perfect. They were everything he'd ever dreamed of. 

(Michelle who?) 

Yuuri paused in his ministrations to lock eyes with him. Viktor pulled back. "Barack-chan..." Yuuri murmured, brow furrowing in concern. "Do you... love us?" 

Barack looked down at Yuuri. He wanted round two, but he knew they had to talk. 

"No, Yuuri," he sighed. "You see... I cannot love you." 

"Barack-chan, why? You just left Michelle for us- can't you love us? After all we've been through?" 

"But Yuuri, you see.... I am a triple-breasted whore. My third breast... it takes up the space where my heart would be." 

Yuuri gasped. "Then... do you mean..." 

"Yes, Yuuri," Barack murmured. He couldn't meet his chocolatey gaze. 

"I am incapable of love." 

TO BE CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the plot thickens
> 
> expect chapter 4 never

**Author's Note:**

> SO HEY FOLLOW @PHICHITSBROWS ON TWITTER FOR MORE QUALITY SHITPOSTING


End file.
